I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
