I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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