Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
