Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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