During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
