Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
