that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
