i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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