we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My life is pants optional.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
