His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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