The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
