some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
