Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
