Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
