I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i out mim tonsoeep
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