woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
