My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
