what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
