i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
