Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
