It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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