are you still at the devil's house?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Drunk is a universal language darling
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
