I smell stomach acid.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
