it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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