And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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