Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever