Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.

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  (818): My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert. http://tfl.nu/ehir
  Replies (38) Good night (1672) Bad night (3707)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.

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  (845): Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science. http://tfl.nu/ee2g
  Replies (20) Good night (7098) Bad night (778)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Intervention is following me on twitter.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  wow.

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  (908): Intervention is following me on twitter. (440): wow. http://tfl.nu/4vti
  Replies (14) Good night (5384) Bad night (1565)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack

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  (203): you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack http://tfl.nu/hvnz
  Replies (6) Good night (3274) Bad night (1131)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.

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  (618): My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma. http://tfl.nu/chfg
  Replies (13) Good night (3890) Bad night (1106)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.

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  (425): Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years. http://tfl.nu/f3i9
  Replies (8) Good night (787) Bad night (3647)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.

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  (847): I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/xqx5
  Replies (12) Good night (1883) Bad night (699)
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  (415): View more from California

  Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage

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  (415): Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage http://tfl.nu/93nr
  Replies (4) Good night (983) Bad night (513)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I asked her politely not to touch my dick

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  (703): I asked her politely not to touch my dick http://tfl.nu/5dz2
  Replies (6) Good night (734) Bad night (1536)
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  (619): View more from California

  But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.

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  (619): But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection. http://tfl.nu/g9u5
  Replies (18) Good night (858) Bad night (1068)
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  (415): View more from California

  i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.

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  (415): i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus. http://tfl.nu/s77k
  Replies (4) Good night (1167) Bad night (542)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.

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  (859): Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo. http://tfl.nu/co0z
  Replies (2) Good night (878) Bad night (441)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed

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  (517): I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed http://tfl.nu/w2px
  Replies (4) Good night (395) Bad night (696)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING

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  (320): I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING http://tfl.nu/fcp6
  Replies (14) Good night (1784) Bad night (445)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.

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  (706): Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling. http://tfl.nu/gqiq
  Replies (2) Good night (453) Bad night (265)

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