the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.