If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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