Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?