His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.