Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
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It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
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Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.