Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
