I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?