Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get me chipped asap
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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