i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
