she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
