dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
