it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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