So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
