We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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