When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
