eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
