I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
