Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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