I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
