my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
