hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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