he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
