I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
