I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
