Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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