It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
