theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
