I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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