I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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