I want to make a zoo with you.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
