I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
