imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
