Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
