People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
