We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
