I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
