I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
