i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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