grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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