I hate all girls vehemently.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
