I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
