I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
