she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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