Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize