so explain again why im purple
no
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
