idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
