hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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