I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
