Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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