She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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