I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
