So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
